But You Eat Chicken, Right?

I really don’t know why I have bothered to wear makeup for he last few weeks, since I have been sobbing regularly. Not many things in my life have been as rewarding as the relationships I have had with my pets, and not many things have been as painful as watching them grow old and deteriorate. This is coming from a woman who has been through many, many difficult times.

I talked about Bill’s diagnosis with lymphoma in an earlier post. While he did well on the prednisone, the last couple of weeks have been difficult; his health is rapidly declining, and he is near the end of his life. For the last few months, he has been losing weight; about a month ago, he began to sleep much more than usual; in the last few days, Bill has had difficulty with stairs and standing without help. He loves getting treats, eating snow, and snacking on”people food,” but he doesn’t really eat on his own anymore.

We have discussed the inevitable, and know that within a few days we will have to put him to sleep. The decision is absolutely agonizing, particularly when I see him wagging his stubby little tail, getting frisky about treats or snuggling with his brother. He is not in any pain, we are certain of that; he is, however, losing quality of life. I wonder if I am doing the right thing, or if maybe if we wait one more day he will go peacefully in his sleep.

Life will go on, the pain will lessen, but I can’t bear the thought of waking up and not seeing his sweet, smooshy face. I dread that first morning without him. I will miss him dearly. I already do.

About two months ago, my husband and I listened to the words that every pet owner dreads: “your dog has cancer.” Advanced lymphoma, to be exact. I knew that something was wrong when in a matter of weeks, he had lost a significant amount of weight; then, one evening while we were playing, I felt a lump in his throat.

Looking at my nine year old boxer in the vet’s office, I just had a feeling he would be one of the many of the breed who succumb to some form of cancer. The doctor told us that it had most likely already metastasized, but that as long as we don’t feel lumps in other areas of his body, he should do well. We opted for a Prednisone regimen that we hoped would prolong the inevitable without any suffering.

Earlier this evening, I felt a tumor behind his knee. I know his remaining time is short, but I just can’t seem to prepare myself for life without him.

He is still a happy and playful boy, eats voraciously (more than likely due to the prednisone,) and acts as if nothing has changed. Still, I know that this new lump is not a good sign. We won’t let him suffer; as soon as we feel that his quality of life is diminishing, we will make the call.

Don’t take a single day with your pets for granted. Every day with my dog and his brother has been a true joy. I know that I will never live in a home that doesn’t include animals, but I often find myself wondering if having pets is just too hard. I cannot imagine anything more agonizing than watching my dog every day and knowing that I am watching the final days of his life.